Amatuer Botanist/Horticulturist Extrordinaire

That's me. I checked out an easy guide to tree identification from the library and I am a reading while walking and pointing, tree identifying Nancy Drew!  I even impressed my husband with my knowlege... not an easy task. We moved to a new home recently and the mature trees in our yard were nothing but barren stick figures... but now, they are budding and blossoming and I am so fascinated! 

I feel like I'm solving a mystery each time I deduce which tree is which.  "You eluded me before, but now I've caught you red-handed Mr. Silver Maple!"  "Give it up, Sweet Birch, I've got you all figured out!" Seriously, it's a fun hobby.  I hope to bestow this newfound knowledge on my son so, he too, will feel like a super sleuth. :)

Attachment Parenting... Where did I go wrong?

Despite my good intentions of cultivating a loving, nurturing relationship with my son, I may have created a monster.  Call me Mama Frankenstein... "It's ALIVE!"

I blame Dr. Sears.  I read his books--The Attachment Parenting Book and The Disapline Book-- and frequented his website and AP parenting boards as a young parent.  Almost four years later, I can't help but feel cheated.  I wore my baby for hours everyday, I slept with him everynight, I breastfed him for two years, I used gentle redirection and tried to follow his sage advoce to a "T."  As a result, I suffer from terrible back pain, my husband and I NEVER have a full night's sleep or time for each other.  We are exhausted, completely burnt out parents to a preschooler who has no boundaries, no sense of authroity, doesn't listen, won't eat more than the same five foods all the time, never sleeps through the night and is disruptive in school. Where did we go wrong?  Maybe we shouldn't have listened to him in the first place.

I can't help but compare us to another family we know.  They are the same age as we are and started their family about a year before us.  From what I understand, their kids pretty much slept through the night from two or three months old and were not breastfed.  The parents are able to leave the kids with family for frequent nights' out with friends, datenights and weekend-long trips.  Their kids seem very well-adjusted, rested and behaved.  Our friendsseem awake, productive, energetic, social and have a happy outlook on life.  My husband and I are anything but.

I feel like parenting this way has sucked all the youth, optimism and energy right out of me!  And, now, with baby number two almost eight months old and not one single full night of sleep since her birth, nursing on demand (every hour or so--she WON'T take a bottle), and one night out with my husband I just can't go on this way.  I may throw myself out a window!  No joke.

What now?  "Cry it out" for the baby and "tough love" for the preschooler?  Does that make us bad parents?  Bad parents who get some sleep?  Bad parents who have some control who aren't ready to call in Super Nanny?  We'll see.  I just don't want to fail my children... by not setting firm boundaries and establishing authority, I may have set them up to be unsuccessful in the real world and that is really disheartening.

Let Sleeping Babies Lie

Why do I feel like a failure as a mother when my baby won't take naps in her crib or sleep through the night?  When your infant is a good sleeper you have ultimate bragging rights.  But when, in my cause, you have a history of breeding bad sleepers, the other mommies look at you with disgust.  Maybe I am exaggerating.  But there's always the mom's who are quick to criticize.  "You don't let her cry it out?"  "You let her take naps in the carseat?"  And, the ultimate 'sin', "You let her sleep with you all night?!"

Yes, we are a co-sleeping, bedsharing kind of family for many reasons, but mostly because that's the only thing that ever allowed us to get enough sleep.  I use the term "enough" loosely, because we NEVER get enough sleep anymore.  Cosleeping works pretty good at night (if you like sleeping on your side all night with your arms contorted and waking up with a backache every single morning) but what about during the day time when our baby has to take those pesky naps?  Forgo those little siestas and she transforms into a gremlin... as did my olderst before her.  But, with one child I was able to enforce a strict napping schedule in the crib and time all my activites and errands around that glorious schedule.  With the second, that all went out the window.

The poor girl spends a couple hours a day in her carseat where she does most of her sleeping while we're on the way to preschool, swim lessons, the grocery store, dry cleaners, play dates, you name it.  Now the only place she will nap is in that carseat... she HATES the crib.  She's also super alert at this age and very wakeful, taking only 15-30 minute cat naps throughout the day and waking up at any little sound or movement.  When we're home I try rocking her and nursing her to sleep, putting her down and half of the time she wakes right up.  The other half of the time, the dog barks, my oldest makes a racket, the door squeaks, etc. and she is up again.  This happens over and over until I'm ready to pull my hair out and my oldest has watched way too many videos.

What's a mom to do?  I really am not down with the whole cry it out thing.  It seems so insensitive and cruel, although I have considered it.  My husband is pushing it... we're not exactly on the same page, but he defers to me most of the time.  Is there any hope for us? I sure hope so!!